Formerly known as FFXFan

If you read yesterday's blog (and if you didn't, why the fuck not?), then you'd know that today's blog is going to be a bit mushy. If you didn't read yesterday's blog, then I've already told you, so take that as a warning.

So, why is 2009 going to be the changes everything? Well, as I've mentioned quite a few times in this blog, me and Mena are planning on moving in together, and recently we've started to push onwards in that direction. Over the past week or two, we've been looking at budgets for houses/apartments, and I think we've settled in the sub-£100k bracket, which is fairly reasonable. Now it's just a case of narrowing down our options and then finding our first house.

Yeah, that hasn't exactly been an interesting paragraph, so allow me to elaborate. Why, exactly, are we so desperate to move in together? A number of reasons really. First and foremost, in July we'll have been dating for four (that's 4) years, and it's getting to a stage now where it's getting quite difficult when we're not spending time together. On top of that, I'm getting quite fed up of always having to answer to people who like to question every move or decision we make. It's almost as if, because Mena's Muslim, and because she lives in London, naturally things won't work out, her parents will get in the way etc etc.

Well I've got some news for you. Mena's parents don't rule her life. They are very aware of the country they live in, and as much as they'd love to get her married off to some random fucktard with mountains of money and a high reputation within the community, they know they can't. They should also be aware by this point that Mena's become a bit of a loose cannon that they no longer control. The fuse was lit a long time ago, and it's only a matter of time before it goes off. When it does, and when she moves out to be with me, what makes you think they'll come looking for her? Assuming they do, and assuming they find her and haul her off "home", it'll make her more determined to move out again. Besides, they can't actually do that either, as it could be classified as kidnapping. And believe me, if it happened, I'd go to the police and classify it as that. She is entitled to leave home. You're not entitled to drag her back.

I get the feeling sometimes that people don't realise how serious I am about this girl. I have never met anybody in my life who treats me the way she does, and I highly doubt that I ever will again. I can say with absolute certainty that Mena makes me feel loved, and the way she looks at me sometimes gives me butterflies. I can't name specific moments, but there's been times when I've fallen in love with her all over again, and on occasion it has been over the silliest things. But then I guess that's what love does to you. It makes you appreciate everything more than you normally would, even the little things. With all this in mind, why would I throw it all away because of something her parents could, and probably won't, do? I will take a beating from them if it keeps us together. If they were going to aim a punch at her, I'd take it. I'm sorry, but your pathetic attempts to break us up and keep us apart will be just that: pathetic, and fruitless. I'll just keep coming back for more.

Being bullied at school has given me this pain threshold that I amaze myself with. Emotionally I can be a bit of a wreck, but physically I can fight through anything. For fuck's sake, I've had my head rammed into brick walls and concrete floors. I've been punched in the face and almost blinded. I've even been inches away from paralysis. What makes you think you can harm me? Seriously, what can you do? Finish the job? Try it, I'm ready for you. I came out the other side at school, what makes you think you'll hold me back here? I'm not fighting for myself, I'm fighting for Mena. She has the right to live her life the way she wants, and with anybody she wants. You have no control over her, you haven't brainwashed her.

This might've sounded a bit one sided, so here's the other side to even things out. To the people who worry for me, and "fear" for my "safety": shut it. I've watched you lose control over your daughter. I've watched you support actions which are unsupportable, actions which almost tore us in two. And despite all this. I've watched you both support her more than you have me. You've forged better relations with her many partners than you have my one, and your reasons for this are quite honestly laughable and unforgivable. I'm not the one who fucked in a school field. I'm not the one who's experimented with pot and spliffs. I don't even fucking smoke or get pissed 6 days a week. I've never been arrested for assault. You absolutely cannot tell me anything I believe anymore. I want to get out of this house, out of this hilarious contradiction that has become a family, where everybody says one thing and ends up doing the exact opposite almost immediately afterwards. It's time for me to fix my broken wings and fly away, and when I do, I'm starting off with small flights, then that's it, I'm off. I'm thinking a different country, to really start anew.

And through this transition from a caged animal to a free bird, I've only one constant, one rock: Mena. She will probably be the only person who'll see, or even understand, this metamorphosis. In my own place, I'll no longer have to listen to "her this" or "her that". I won't have to put up with her pretty much barging in because she's misplaced something, and turning the whole house upside down six times, thinking that it's here when really it isn't. Instead, we'll have some peace and quiet (mostly...^_^), and some solace in the fact that we only have to answer to ourselves. There'll be no more answers to questions that aren't important, no more explanations needing to be given. Just me, and her.

Which brings us to the most important question: When does this all happen? Well, with us both actively looking at a house, I'm hoping to have a major advancement within the next two months, and then I'm looking into moving in two months after that, which takes us to July. From this point onwards, Mena starts moving her stuff in, as quickly as humanly possible. I'm think it's very realistic that, if we keep to this timescale, she'll have moved in and settled down by December. December this year. December 2009.

I'm seriously excited. Mum told me that passing your driving test is something that stays with you forever. Well, not me, because it wasn't something I was overjoyed about, just relieved. For me, that day has yet to come. Moving out...that's something that's going to stay with me. The day I gain my independance. The day I move in with Mena, another day that's going to stay with me. I look forward to these days. I dream about these days, I miss them when I wake up, and I cheer myself up when I realise that I'm so close to making my dreams come true.

I'm coming for you baby, I'm coming.
-=Gavvie=-

P.S. Hmm...that wasn't very mushy at all, was it? Was it??