Formerly known as FFXFan

Yes, I know. I've managed to write a blog entry now for the last three days. I'm as surprised as you, don't worry.

Blog title's in reference to yesterday's blog, but that's the only reference there'll be. As I said yesterday, I'm not wanting to make a big deal about it, so we leave it at that, k?

"I'm going to blog at least once a week", a not-quite world famous blogger wrote back in April 2010...Hi. Been a while.

Hi all. It's been a while, again, but not as long as last time. There's a lot I need to fill you in on, but I'll do it once bit at a time. Right now, know that I'm back, and know that I'm going to try and blog at least once a week.

I have stuff to do right now, so I can't really go into masses of detail about anything, but whatever applied back in February still applies now. Aside from the charity album. That's been and gone, and I'm pleased to say that I raised £100! Woo!

Well, until next time.
-=Gavvie=-

P.S. - Oh, by the way, that "secret" project that I was working on a year ago was a radio show for RadioSEGA. Entitled Saturday Night SEGA, it's been on air for about a month, and is on..well, tonight! Tune in at http://www.radiosega.net/listen.php from 10pm BST and listen to me babble on

Cheers.

Hi there. Yes yes, it's been a long time, but I'm here to try and be somewhat semi-regular. Anyway, I'm here to tell you about some news about Living Sedative and a brand new side project, which is living and breathing.

1 - Living Sedative

It's been a while, I know, but I have been busy working on new tracks for The End of the Old and Starting Over. However, I got a little sidetracked by something else. I've gone and created a charity album. Two, actually.

To support Sonic Relief, a campaign within the Sonic community to raise money for the UK's Sport Relief (more info can be found here: http://www.sportrelief.com), I set about creating an album of Sonic remixes. The first effort was released back in December, and was called The Robotnik EP. The idea was that the tracks from this EP would be mixed into a medley for the follow up album, but due to time constraints it had to be cut. The resulting album, which came out at the start of February. I called it Songs for Sonic.

Of course, what good is creating albums when there's nowhere to put them? This is where Bandcamp comes in. Bandcamp is a music website which enables you to upload your music, and then offer it for download, either for free or via payments. Not one to turn such an interesting proposal down, I've gone and registered there. Not only can you download The Robotnik EP and Songs for Sonic from Bandcamp, but the previous 4 Living Sedative albums are on there as well. The Bandcamp page for Living Sedative is here: http://livingsedative.bandcamp.com.

At the time of this blog being published, the two charity albums have raised over £75 for Sonic Relief, which is a truly amazing feat as far as I'm concerned. However, there is still a good week or two to go until the end of the campaign. If you would like to contribute (and to be honest, why wouldn't you? Sport Relief is an excellent charity), then please please please download either The Robotnik EP or Songs for Sonic (or even both), and donate some cash. If you'd like to pay me for my awesome music, then download any of the other four albums and donate to me

Living Sedative's music in the past has always been free. With this new way of accessing my music, I'm starting to give people the choice as to whether to download my music for free, or make a small payment as thanks. In the future I may make an album so awe-inspiring that there's no way I could let you just take it but until that day, if you want to download for free, you can. Just be sure to spread the word, k?

2 - Secret Project

Still music related, but this has an even better story behind it. When you're sitting comfortably, I'll begin.

About a week ago, I was having a random conversation with Mena. In this conversation, we started joking about creating a music project. This project ended up being named China Bulls, and it's real.

So, what is China Bulls? I think it's a different way of making music. When I'm making music, I tend to have a melody in my head, which I then try and put some instrumentation around. With China Bulls, this can no longer happen. Before each track is even conceived, we put some instruments in a list, or in a hat, and randomly pull them out until we have the instruments we have to use.

For example, one track could just be a bass guitar and a piano, or we could have some drums with a flute, or maybe even a cello, a harp and a throbbing bass synth. We just don't know. Also, we're both involved in the production of music. With Living Sedative, I'd send songs Mena's way to see what she thought of them. With China Bulls, I'm sending them her way to see what she thinks, and what she'd change. Who knows, in the future she might be making music and sending it my way! We're also looking at doing things away from the computer as well, so there might be a couple of acoustic tracks here and there.

Anyway, tonight is the official launch of China Bulls, as we've just started our own Bandcamp page (http://chinabulls.bandcamp.com), and have put our first ever track, called Statement of Intent, on there as well. It's the first track from our EP, which will be called CODENAME: China Bulls, and we're looking to release it sometime this year. We hope you like it

Well, I'll be sure to keep you posted on both these projects, and if you download anything, please leave a comment and let us know what you think. Until next time

-=Gavvie=-

The following story is by me (GavvieUK), on Twitter. Figured it'd be easier to just copy and paste it from there, rather than write it out here and try and convert it backwards. Here goes:

Figured I'd tell you a little story about what was on my mind at work. Basically, I've had to pretty much stand around all day, not doing much of anything. I ended up thinking about how quickly this year has gone, and then worked backwards. Since 2000, I've seen a relationship, which I believed at the time was something special, come and go in the blink of an eye. I've felt immense guilt as one of my grandparents passed away. To this day, I haven't had the nerve to visit his grave and say goodbye. I watched myself fall to pieces and throw away one college course, and stumbled over the line on a second one. I've had 5 jobs, and haven't excelled or advanced in any of them, despite my best efforts.

And yet, despite the numerous negatives to this past decade or so, there's so many positives.

I moved out, into a place of my own, and finally got myself the independence I have wanted for a long time. I have met somebody whom I can quite honestly say is the love of my life, and is somebody I will hold close to me till the very end. And whilst I might not have many friends in the real world, through some community ties I have met some people who I can call friends.

Whilst I spend a lot of time on my own, I don't feel as though I am alone anymore, although the house does get lonely from time to time. I'd like to think that 2010 will bring me closer to everybody, and help to cement some real friendships, the likes of which I've never had. Sure, I've got Mena, and she's my best friend as well as my girlfriend and aforementioned love of my life, but being at Summer of Sonic 2009 made me open my eyes. So many people who knew so many people, and I'd gone there only knowing the person who had come with me.

I'm hoping that, by the time Summer of Sonic 2010 rolls around (if indeed it does), I know more people, and I can feel more of a member than a bystander. That I can say hi to the likes of Kev (AAUK), Svend (Dreadknux), Andy (sonic_stream) Bentley Jones/Lee Brotherton (if he's there!), Becky (Echo Hawk), Graham (FastFeet)...Well, there's far too many to list, but basically EVERYBODY in the Sonic community who I have had the pleasure of talking to this year. My wish is to be able to say hi, and for it to be more than hi. I'm not expecting to be best buddies with everybody, that would be foolish. I guess I just want to feel a part of a community who loves the character I loved when I grew up, and I'm going to work on that. Call it an early New Years Resolution if you want, but that's what I'm aiming for.

I want to sit down at around this time next year, and think about new friendships I've forged, and how much fun the past 12 months were. In truth, 2009 has already been the best year of this decade, so I don't see why next year can't improve on that. Start with a bang, as they say.

So, in closing: This decade has sucked more than rocked, but I'm determined to ensure the next decade doesn't do the same. There's already so many reasons to look forward to 2010, but I'm hoping a couple of meetups with the Sonic community can add to that. Let's do it! Here's to an amazing 2010, and to the future as well, starting with Sonic Relief 2010 in January!

Thanks for reading that. Funny what I can think of at work, and then add to when I actually start writing.
-=Gavvie=-

So, if you read yesterday's blog, you'll know that I sent a rather lengthy email to T-Mobile regarding some unpersonal service I received. After receiving your generic "We are sorry to hear...blah blah blah" email as an auto-reply, I was rather surprised to receive a phone call from somebody at T-Mobile, who I can only assume was the PA to the Customer Service Director. This was surprising because the auto-reply email had stated that I'd be receiving a reply within 5-7 working days due to "high levels of traffic", so I had started to prepare myself for a bit of shopping around. After all, 5-7 working days isn't exactly good enough for me and my fucked phone.

Naturally, I wasn't awake to take the call, as I'd also decided last night that not turning my alarm on would be an awesome idea, and ended up waking up at the exact time I'm due to be at work, so I returned the T-Mobile call at dinner.

To cut a long story (and blog) short, I was told by this lady (Sarah, her name was), that they had to send the phone away for repair, as they had to be seen as fulfilling the manufacturer's warrenty. After being told this, I wasn't too bothered to get it sent away again. I did have a nagging feeling though that the person I spoke to yesterday could've mentioned this, but let it slide. What she did say though, which pleased me very much, was this: If it happens to break down again after the second repair, I'm to call her directly, and she will authorise the sending of a replacement phone. This means I won't have to send away for a third repair, and then wait for the phone to break for a fourth time before I can claim a replacement.

That's the kind of personal service I wanted yesterday! Well done T-Mobile, you've reinstilled my faith in you!
-=Gavvie=-

Hmm, seems I'm enjoying ranting these days. Must be me being alone in my new house. ANYWAY!, the following is an email I've just constructed and sent to Customer Relations at T-Mobile, along with a Mr. Taylor, the Customer Service Director:

Hello there.

I am emailing you to inform you of the poor service I received regarding an inquiry about my current mobile phone. I recently had to send my phone (Sony Ericsson W760i) away to be repaired, as the connector which the charger plugs into had worked itself loose. Upon receiving my phone from repair, I found that the letter enclosed with it offered no explanation as to how the fault had occured, only that the connector had been replaced, along with the antenna (again, no explanation as to why the antenna had been replaced, as I had not reported a fault with that particular component).

I have now today discovered that the exact same component has experienced a second fault, only three weeks after it had been originally repaired. This time around, the phone is not charging once the charger is plugged into it. I had put my W760i on charge last night, and heard it vibrate in acknowledgment that it was charging. When I went to take it off charge this morning, I found that somehow overnight, the phone had stopped charging and subsequently ran the battery down, draining the charge. As I own a W880i, I was able to test both chargers I own on both phones, and know for a fact that the chargers are not the problem. I also used three different electrical outlets whilst testing. In my mind, this can only mean that the repair job carried out three weeks ago, which I already doubted due to an update which read "Rejected at Quality Assurance" only two days before it was sent back, was not entirely successful.

This evening, I followed the steps on your Online Diagnosis Tool, and that didn't provide the answer to my problem so I contacted Customer Service. I was given a rather short apology before being told that it would have to be sent for repair again. After a request for a replacement phone, I was told that I would need to have sent it back for repair another two times in order to be eligible. Despite my requests not to be transferred to the Refunds and Exchanges department to set up a second repair job, I eventually relented after being told it was only a "2 minute wait". I hung up after waiting for well over 10 minutes with no idea as to how much longer I'd have to wait.

I've been a customer with T-Mobile for just over 3 and a half years, and until the last month or so I'd never had a problem with the level of service I've been offered. I'd even go so far as to say it was exemplary. However, I'm also not fickle enough to say that, after one poor experience, it's suddenly down in the gutter. But, and it is a but, I have to say more could have been done. I do not want to repair a phone that has experienced the same fault twice in 6 weeks. I also do not want, if possible, a direct replacement of the phone I currently own, as I am not 100% convinced that the same faults would not occur with that phone. I am prepared to accept a replacement phone of an equivalent value to the phone I currently own, and I am also prepared, if I am allowed to do so, to renew my contract 10 months early in order to receive an upgrade. I feel as though my problems were dealt with in a very "cookie cutter" manner, and the representative I spoke with (unfortunately I didn't take her name) didn't seem to want to personalise my problem, instead following the book and not deviating from it in the slightest.

I have been very unhappy with the W760i since I received it, both in terms of it's various firmware problems which upgrades haven't fixed, and the aforementioned hardware issues I've been having recently. I've also found the battery life to be very poor, and of a lower standard than my W880i, which is an older phone. I am being honest when I say that I would love to continue my custom with T-Mobile, however I am starting to have doubts that my problems with my phone are being dealt with in a manner which is beneficial to myself as a customer, and yourselves as the supplier of my phone, and I regret to say that if I don't feel my problem has been dealt with sufficiently, I might have to start looking at competitors who may be able to offer me a more personal style of Customer Service.


For your information, I contacted Customer Service through 150 on 27th August 2009 at 19:36GMT. I have also forwarded this email to Mr. Taylor, the Customer Service Director, to hopefully avoid a generic response that is issued to everybody who sends you an email.

As stated previously, I honestly hope that this can be resolved, and that I can once again begin to feel valued as a customer, and I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,
Gavin Storey

If I'm being honest, I'm not actually expecting a personal reply, and I'm certainly not expecting them to meet the rather small expectations I have of them at the current moment in time. If you ask me, I'm half expecting popping into 3, O2, Vodafone, Phones4U and Carphone Warehouse next week enquiring about what they can offer me. Still, we'll see.

I'll keep you posted,
-=Gavvie=-

Hi. I've been away a while, and I'm sorry. It seems every time I say I'm going to update the blog more often, I don't. That said, it sounds rather typical of me nowadays.

Anyway! I come bearing news, which kind of ties into the title of this blog: I'm leaving home. It's a bit of a long story, so I'm not going to bore you with the full details, however here's the basic jist of it. Somebody I work with was looking to sell his two bedroomed house with little success, and I was looking for a place to buy, only to find out that I couldn't afford to, and the Government won't help me out. Turning my attention to renting, I found out that I would be able to rent off of Mike, the guy I work with. We sat down and worked some details out, got a contract filled out, and here we are now.

I was given the keys on Saturday, so officially I can move in whenever I'm wanting, however I'm actually going to be moving out this coming weekend. If I'm to be honest, I'm really excited. It's going to give me a chance to spread my wings out fully, and do anything I want to do without having to clear it with anybody. I'm 23 now, and I really can't stand to be here anymore. My life has to progress, and I'm certainly making tracks. Coupling moving out with travelling to Las Vegas in October, it seems the second half of 2009 is going to be everything I said this year would be. January to June wasn't exactly progressing the way I'd intended, but that'll all be forgotten come December.

Anyway, moving quickly onwards to stop this sounding like another one of the "Hyping Myself Up" blogs that I seem to have been writing for years now, progress on the two Living Sedative albums has slowed. I am still having ideas, though, which is a good thing. In fact, only yesterday I had an idea for a track where the drums would be the lead instrument, which is certainly an interesting concept I would like to play with. I also keep coming up with some pretty good track names that I'd like to use. My current favourite is Teach the Stars to Shine, which would be the title of a dreamy, ambient track. Nothing heavy, no drums, just a few soft synths tinkling away.

Finally, before I go, I've been working on a concept track called The Hare vs The Tortoise. If you know the fable of the same (or similar) name, then you'll know what this song is. If you don't, a brief rundown: It's about a race between a hare and a tortoise. The hare races into a strong lead, and ends up falling asleep believing his lead to be unbeatable. Whilst he's asleep, the tortoise overtakes him, and eventually wins the race. Moral of the story is to never underestimate your opponent. Anyway, my track takes the story and tells it through music, with the hare being represented by a heavy rock track, and the tortoise by a slow, bass lead track. It's currently in Third Demo status, and is actually nearly finished. I just need to finish up the end of the track and clean a few sections up, and then it'll be ready to roll. The full, finished track will be nearing 6 or 7 minutes, I'm hoping, but we'll see when it's done.

And with that, I leave you. I'll try and blog once I have internet set up at my new home, and after that I will honestly try and be a lot more regular. I'll also update the layout of the blog and give it a new theme, as this one's getting a bit old. So, until next time, whenever that may be!

-=Gavvie=-

It's been another long while since I wrote here (over 2 months, which isn't as long as some gaps go), but I have been working behind the scenes on a number of new bits and bobs in a couple of different areas, listed below for easy reading:

1 - Twitter
So I succumbed to getting a Twitter account. To be honest, I always looked at it and thought "What's the point of this?", but it's actually a really good way of keeping updated on lots of things, and lots of people, at once. Naturally, I'm going to plug my Twitter here. I can be found here, so feel free to follow me if you're so inclined. I'm intending to blog more often, and use MindSay and Twitter in conjunction with each other, so if you're wanting to keep up to date on Gavvie/Living Sedative news, following one or the other is probably the best way to do it.

2 - Living Sedative
Speaking of Living Sedative, a couple of blogs ago I mentioned how I'd been working on a track called Returning to Where We Once Began. Work on that track is ongoing, however in its place two tracks can be confirmed as finished, whilst I'm in the midst of working on a third. The two tracks are called Shut the World Out and Voyage into the Uncharted, whilst the demo track is called The Arrival of Death, and is a particular favourite of mine, so I'm quite looking foward to getting that one finished. Once it is, I'll stick the three into a RAR file and SendSpace them as a little Demo EP to keep you going whilst I'm working on some other tracks I've got in the works.

No release dates for either of the two albums I'm working on yet. I'm going to take my time with them, so I can be happy with the final result.

3 - RadioSEGA
As always, there's not an awful lot I can say about the projects I'm working on with regards to RadioSEGA. Some of it is in the "Worst Kept Secret" section, but I want to keep what I myself am working on to myself and a few close confidents for the time being, whilst the final bits and pieces get worked out. However, I am hoping to mention a bit more towards the end of July, so keep an eye out there.

Also, I've also set up a Twitter for RadioSEGA, so if you'd like to follow the developments of RS, then click here. It's also officially endorsed (what with me being a Staffer), so it's not just a fan-made Twitter account. It also has a pretty background, which looks a lot better than the shitty one I cooked up in MS Paint, lol.

I'll try and post a more personal blog before the week's out, but I'm off to bed now so it's time for me to cut this short. Night night.

-=Gavvie=-

As an addition to the blog I wrote two or so days ago, I'm just posting here with a quick image I've knocked up on MS Paint, showing off what fonts I'm going to be using for the two upcoming albums.

On the top half of the image is the current Living Sedative logo, along with the font that's going to be used for The End of the Old. This is a final decision, and probably won't be changed.

The bottom half of the image is currently subject to a little bit of change. It showcases what I believe is going to be the new Living Sedative logo, and the font style for the album Starting Over. These two fonts could switch places, or I could find two entirely different ones. At the moment, I'm not 100% sure.

So why am I changing the LS font that I've used for the majority of the band's duration? Well, it's to do with the album title really. In my opinion, Starting Over isn't just the name of the fourth full album I'm working on. It's like a new beginning, something that's pretty much discarding what's gone on before it and starting afresh. With that in mind, I decided that everything had to change, including the current logo. I hope you like it.

Here's the image:

Quick blog, first of all to let everybody know that I haven't died or anything, and to mention that, after deciding that I'd never get my old laptop out from under my bed, I've gone and reacquired FL Studio, this time upgrading to version 8 XXL Producer's Edition, and also gone and got Toxic III, PoiZone and Slayer 2, bringing me up to speed from where I was the first time around.

In the midst of relearning everything that I might've forgotten, I've noticed that, oddly, Toxic III doesn't have any synth pads unless I open a previous file that had Toxic III in it from my old lappy. With that in mind, I imagine I'll have to save one of those files as a Toxic file, so that I can use the synths in it. Not sure why it's doing that, but hey ho, at least I have them in some fashion.

I've also started work on a brand new track which will end up on the new album (called Starting Over, in case you've forgotten), and is currently called Returning to Where We First Began. It uses one of the new drum beats I've got access to, and has a flute bit. I'm trying to fit some synth/bass around those two instruments at the moment with no success, but I'll get there eventually.

Once I've got two or three tracks finished, I'll stick them all together in an EP or something so you can have a listen and let me know what you think. I'm also going to simulataneously work on The End of the Old, so that all my older tracks are done. Hoping to have that out before the end of the year, but no promises.

I just need PhotoShop now, and the font I used to use, although a second coming should mean an updated font, correct?

-=Gavvie=-

OK, it's half 6 at the time of me starting to write this, and I have to say that, currently, the most interesting thing I've done with my day is put a fire out.

I am exaggerating just a little, though. I can't claim it was a full-on fire, but allow me to explain anyway. Outside work, we have a little box thing that people who smoke can use to put their fags in when they're done. In theory, you're meant to stub it out first, but somebody must've forgotten and just thrown it in, or thought they'd stubbed it out when they hadn't. About 10-15 minutes later, I'm asked to go grab a cup of water and pour it over the cigarette stub..thing, because smoke was coming out of it, so I obliged. Thrilling, eh?

In all honesty though, today has, thus far, been pretty boring. In a few moments I'm gonna pop downstairs and make myself some food, which may or may not rank as the second most interesting thing I've done all day. This will depend on what I do after I've eaten, and whether or not whatever I end up doing can be classed as interesting.

Before I go, I'd just like to extend thanks to the people who voted for my blog the other night. I must say that I'm really quite touched, to be honest. I only wrote it because I had a spare 10 minutes before bed, and there were some things in my mind that I thought I could drop into a quick entry. I didn't expect people to read it and find something to connect with, but if you did, then I'm glad. So yeah. Thanks

-=Gavvie=-

Just blogging here before I go to bed. In all honesty, I just wanted to write somewhere just how lonely I'm feeling at the moment, and how relieved I am that Saturday is just around the corner.

Because of engineering works on the trains, I've been unable to see Mena for the past two weeks. To start with, it wasn't that bad, but as the time's passed I've started to miss her more and more, and to be honest quite recently it's been a bit unbearable. On Saturday evening, after we'd finished talking on the phone, I remember staying awake for the next half an hour or so, first staring at the ceiling, and then facing a pillow she'd slept on the last time she was here. There was nothing going through my mind except how great it's going to be when I can finally pull her into my arms, and into a very much missed, and long needed, embrace.

It's times like these that remind me how much I need her, and how much I long for us to have a future together. It's funny that I used to be so comfortable with being alone. It was something I'd come to terms with, and yet now I find it so painful sometimes. Maybe it's because I've realised just how much better life is when you have somebody special to share it with. I never had that when I was growing up. When I was going through all my troubles, I never had the feeling that there was somebody there for me. Now I do have somebody special, I don't want to go back to that. I don't like being alone anymore.

Thanks for reading.
-=Gavvie=-

Continuing on from my Living Sedative post I made two days ago, today I'd like to talk about a (currently) three part song that's going to be on the album.

Currently titled Shooting Down a Star, the track will feature a Narrator, retelling a story about how he clicked his fingers and destroyed a shooting star in his youth, and the disasters that followed. It's quite a silly premise, but it's one that I like the sound of, and something that I can work with.

I'm not quite sure how the music will sound as yet, as I'm still getting the story written, but the "chapters" are broken up as follows:

Shooting Down a Star I: Beginnings
Shooting Down a Star II: Deal with the Devil
Shooting Down a Star III: The Consequences of Refusal

If the story happens to stretch into more tracks, I will let you know. And yeah, I am intending to put them all together onto an EP when I'm done.

I was toying with the idea of having a prerecorded voice sampler doing the narration, but I think I'm going to save them for character voices, and do the narration myself. We'll see.

More news later.
-=Gavvie=-

If you read yesterday's blog (and if you didn't, why the fuck not?), then you'd know that today's blog is going to be a bit mushy. If you didn't read yesterday's blog, then I've already told you, so take that as a warning.

So, why is 2009 going to be the changes everything? Well, as I've mentioned quite a few times in this blog, me and Mena are planning on moving in together, and recently we've started to push onwards in that direction. Over the past week or two, we've been looking at budgets for houses/apartments, and I think we've settled in the sub-£100k bracket, which is fairly reasonable. Now it's just a case of narrowing down our options and then finding our first house.

Yeah, that hasn't exactly been an interesting paragraph, so allow me to elaborate. Why, exactly, are we so desperate to move in together? A number of reasons really. First and foremost, in July we'll have been dating for four (that's 4) years, and it's getting to a stage now where it's getting quite difficult when we're not spending time together. On top of that, I'm getting quite fed up of always having to answer to people who like to question every move or decision we make. It's almost as if, because Mena's Muslim, and because she lives in London, naturally things won't work out, her parents will get in the way etc etc.

Well I've got some news for you. Mena's parents don't rule her life. They are very aware of the country they live in, and as much as they'd love to get her married off to some random fucktard with mountains of money and a high reputation within the community, they know they can't. They should also be aware by this point that Mena's become a bit of a loose cannon that they no longer control. The fuse was lit a long time ago, and it's only a matter of time before it goes off. When it does, and when she moves out to be with me, what makes you think they'll come looking for her? Assuming they do, and assuming they find her and haul her off "home", it'll make her more determined to move out again. Besides, they can't actually do that either, as it could be classified as kidnapping. And believe me, if it happened, I'd go to the police and classify it as that. She is entitled to leave home. You're not entitled to drag her back.

I get the feeling sometimes that people don't realise how serious I am about this girl. I have never met anybody in my life who treats me the way she does, and I highly doubt that I ever will again. I can say with absolute certainty that Mena makes me feel loved, and the way she looks at me sometimes gives me butterflies. I can't name specific moments, but there's been times when I've fallen in love with her all over again, and on occasion it has been over the silliest things. But then I guess that's what love does to you. It makes you appreciate everything more than you normally would, even the little things. With all this in mind, why would I throw it all away because of something her parents could, and probably won't, do? I will take a beating from them if it keeps us together. If they were going to aim a punch at her, I'd take it. I'm sorry, but your pathetic attempts to break us up and keep us apart will be just that: pathetic, and fruitless. I'll just keep coming back for more.

Being bullied at school has given me this pain threshold that I amaze myself with. Emotionally I can be a bit of a wreck, but physically I can fight through anything. For fuck's sake, I've had my head rammed into brick walls and concrete floors. I've been punched in the face and almost blinded. I've even been inches away from paralysis. What makes you think you can harm me? Seriously, what can you do? Finish the job? Try it, I'm ready for you. I came out the other side at school, what makes you think you'll hold me back here? I'm not fighting for myself, I'm fighting for Mena. She has the right to live her life the way she wants, and with anybody she wants. You have no control over her, you haven't brainwashed her.

This might've sounded a bit one sided, so here's the other side to even things out. To the people who worry for me, and "fear" for my "safety": shut it. I've watched you lose control over your daughter. I've watched you support actions which are unsupportable, actions which almost tore us in two. And despite all this. I've watched you both support her more than you have me. You've forged better relations with her many partners than you have my one, and your reasons for this are quite honestly laughable and unforgivable. I'm not the one who fucked in a school field. I'm not the one who's experimented with pot and spliffs. I don't even fucking smoke or get pissed 6 days a week. I've never been arrested for assault. You absolutely cannot tell me anything I believe anymore. I want to get out of this house, out of this hilarious contradiction that has become a family, where everybody says one thing and ends up doing the exact opposite almost immediately afterwards. It's time for me to fix my broken wings and fly away, and when I do, I'm starting off with small flights, then that's it, I'm off. I'm thinking a different country, to really start anew.

And through this transition from a caged animal to a free bird, I've only one constant, one rock: Mena. She will probably be the only person who'll see, or even understand, this metamorphosis. In my own place, I'll no longer have to listen to "her this" or "her that". I won't have to put up with her pretty much barging in because she's misplaced something, and turning the whole house upside down six times, thinking that it's here when really it isn't. Instead, we'll have some peace and quiet (mostly...^_^), and some solace in the fact that we only have to answer to ourselves. There'll be no more answers to questions that aren't important, no more explanations needing to be given. Just me, and her.

Which brings us to the most important question: When does this all happen? Well, with us both actively looking at a house, I'm hoping to have a major advancement within the next two months, and then I'm looking into moving in two months after that, which takes us to July. From this point onwards, Mena starts moving her stuff in, as quickly as humanly possible. I'm think it's very realistic that, if we keep to this timescale, she'll have moved in and settled down by December. December this year. December 2009.

I'm seriously excited. Mum told me that passing your driving test is something that stays with you forever. Well, not me, because it wasn't something I was overjoyed about, just relieved. For me, that day has yet to come. Moving out...that's something that's going to stay with me. The day I gain my independance. The day I move in with Mena, another day that's going to stay with me. I look forward to these days. I dream about these days, I miss them when I wake up, and I cheer myself up when I realise that I'm so close to making my dreams come true.

I'm coming for you baby, I'm coming.
-=Gavvie=-

P.S. Hmm...that wasn't very mushy at all, was it? Was it??

You may remember me mentioning a while ago that I was ending the journey that was Living Sedative. At the time it wasn't a hard decision to make, as I'd run out of ideas and couldn't see any way of furthering the project. To cut a long story short, it's back. The journey continues.

It all dawned on me early last week. The first Living Sedative album had been a mixture of styles, to dip my foot in the water and see how warm it was. After that, I moved onto doing what I wanted to do with the project and attempted a rock styled album. Needless to say, the results weren't as I expected, aside from a couple of exceptions. I then set to work on a number of new projects, none of which would ever reach fruition.

So here we are. March 2009, and I finally know what I want to do. I finally know which route to take with Living Sedative that would bring me the most joy, or at the very least, work. And this route takes us back to the beginning.

Whilst I would still be using FL Studio and my assorted plugins (once I reacquire them), it's going to be very similar to what the first album offered, but a lot more mature. The new album will be a lot more ambient, focusing more on synths to help the tracks flow, with a little bit of guitars just to break things up a bit. They're not going to be the main focus anymore, because they didn't work the first time around.

The idea for the new album is that you'll be able to listen to it in the background whilst you're working away, or relaxing, and that it won't be too intrusive. Of course, I still want the album to have a couple of tracks that would make you sit up and take notice on first listen, but for the most part it's going to be pretty serene.

So, what of Conversations That Changed the World and Only One Word Springs to Mind, the two albums that I ceased work on? Well, the tracks that I'd already begun work on will be finished, and placed onto one album. I had a number of ideas as to what this album would be called, including End of an Era, but the final title will be The End of the Old. As for the new album, my current favourite title, from the five I've got, is Starting Over, as it follows on from the other title. I might change my mind though, if I think up a better one. As for song titles, here's some snippits of ideas I've had:

You're Clearly Distracted
The Beginnings of Forever
Last Time Around
How Long Can We Run?
Light Travelling from the Scissors to the Sky
Returning to Where We First Began

I'm hoping to have everything sorted within the next month, but I will be taking my time on this one, so that when it's finished, I can say with confidence that I am happy with the finished product.

And for everybody who's enjoyed reading this, I'm coming back tomorrow to write a blog about myself, Mena, and why 2009 is going to be the year that changes everything. Oh yes, well worth coming back for, as I've definately gone and sensationalised it now.

Till then
-=Gavvie=-

My Internet's being sucky, so I wrote this blog in WordPad. This isn't going to mean anything to you, nor has it affected the blog's quality in anyway, I just thought you'd like to know before we got into the meat and balls of it all.

So, the blog title today comes from a quote I read on NME today. Apparently the original members of Limp Bizkit have all reformed, and are planning a world tour and are also recording a new album. Yep, it seems Fred Durst and Wes Borland are both in need of pay packets, and some publicity. What really made me laugh was the joint statement they released though. It's almost as if you could tell they were lying. Allow me to paraphrase:

"We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other."

Yes, quite. I hope you enjoy being banded together with all the other pop groups who were in need of cash quick. At this rate, we'll be seeing the reformation of B*Witched next...

Moving swiftly onwards, I'm very pleased to announce that I haven't fallen over since my last blog. My apologies for not blogging sooner, but as I said earlier, I've been hit by a sucky Internet since Tuesday, and prior to that I'd been putting it off. Whoops. I'm not exactly sure what's the matter, but at the moment I'm going to blame Virgin Media and/or the crap weather, whichever one owns up first.

I'm sat here, listening to Celldweller through headphones, because literally there's nothing better to do. I'd turn my Xbox/PS3 on, but in all seriousness it's just too much effort. Besides, I quite like listening to the song I'm listening to, and I don't really want to stop playing it just so I can play some...well, whatever I'd end up playing. Just in case you're wondering, I'm listening to Frozen (Mass Panic Mix by Skeel), which is on the album Take It & Break It Vol. 2. It's a pretty good remix actually. It turns the track, which was originally very electronica based, into a heavy rock track. I love it, it sounds awesome.

I suppose I should fill you in on the past week. Work has been a bit poor this week. I'm not sure exactly why, but still, it's not been a good week, so I'm glad that I've got a week off next week to recharge my batteries and not get too frustrated with it all. Some people have been a bit on edge for no apparent reason, and we've had some arsey patients as well. Patients with no patience, it seems. OMG U C WHUT I DID THAR?!?! ...I guess the snow brings out the worst in people.

Yesterday, I had to take four rather heavy boxes of A4 paper upstairs to the storeroom. As I said, they were quite heavy, and on the fourth box I had to stop at the contact lens department to catch my breath. Yes, I am weak, there's no need to tell me (although you probably will anyway). I didn't think much of it at the time, but I think I might have actually done myself some harm, as today my upper left arm aches, as does my left knee. Of the two, my left knee actually hurts more, as it hurts everytime I bend it. Even now, just being sat down is giving me a very slight pain. Still, because I'm a stupid fucker, I'm just gonna battle on and get on with it. I'm sure it's nothing too serious. Oh, and I've just noticed my back aches too. I might as well've called this blog Aches & Pains Vol. II.

Mena's coming to see me tomorrow She's going to be staying with me for a week over half term. I'm very excited about it, because the weekend we spent together in December was ace, and this week's gonna be better, purely because we're spending longer together I shall let you know how it was when it's over, as I don't think the mixture of Mena and Sucky Internet will let me blog a lot, if at all.

I'm gonna wrap this blog up with two semi-announcements. I'm calling them Semi-Announcements because I'm not really announcing anything, except that I'm not announcing anything. Still, I'll put them in seperate paragraphs, as it'd be easier to read that way, and it makes this entry longer, as if it wasn't long enough already.

ANNOUNCMENT #1
I might reform Living Sedative. I was thinking about it the other day, and when I get a bit more free time, I want to actually finish the tracks I was working on, rather than leave some good ideas behind, never to be heard from again. I wouldn't release them as two seperate albums though. Instead, they'd be put into one album, which I reckon will be called The Final Resurrection of Living Sedative, seeing as after that I would kill the project off until I could make something even better.

This album would then be followed by a "Greatest Hits", if you want, called R.I.P. I'm not too sure how that would work out, but then, this is just something I'd like to do when I can get my tools back together and find the time to do it. It's very unlikely, but still, it would be nice to go out with a bit of a bang. We'll see.

ANNOUNCEMENT #2
I still can't tell you about this one yet XD I'm waiting until it's made public, but I'll give you a few cryptic clues. After all, you've read this far.

Basically, I've been made a Moderator at RadioSEGA. This is a pretty big deal for me, as I've been a fan of the site since I stumbled upon it's radio station via my PSP in December 2008, and as I got to know its members, I felt like I could offer a lot to them, either as forum staff or as a contributor, and the more I fit in, the more I felt I could do.

So, I could be doing a bit of both. I've been made a Moderator, and because of this I'm now privy to a lot of internal discussions as to how the site should be improved and built upon, in order to really grab a hold of the increasing traffic and popularity we seem to be getting. I mean, we're getting mentioned in magazines for fuck's sake. Could AWFF and its self-centred arseholes lay claim to that? I thought not.

Anyway, in the future we're planning a pretty big deal that's going to make the radio station something really special. I'll wait until Mark makes it public on the forums. After all, I'd hate to be the one who lets the cat out of the bag. It is a big deal though, and something to get excited about.

On that "cryptic" note, I'm going to head off, and see if I can get this blog uploaded the next time my laptop decides to connect to the wireless router. If you see this blog on Thursday 12th February, I was successful. If not, then I obviously failed, and I have hung my head in shame.

Till next time...probably a week.
-=Gavvie=-

Arctic England is starting to really piss me off.

It wouldn't be so bad if I had a pretty good centre of balance, but the truth is, I don't. In fact, if the ground isn't flat and stable, I have a hard time standing upright. Yes, I am probably one of the few people in the world who could slip over without even moving. Drop me a comment if you're the same as well, so I know I'm not the only one.

When it comes to snow, I'm a bit conflicted. I love looking at it, because it makes everything look nicer and can create some awesome views, and it generally makes everything look brighter too. That last bit helps because, where I live, it's all pretty bland colour wise, so everything looking a bit brighter is overall a very good thing. On the flip side, I hate it because it's fucking awful to try and walk through, especially when it's snowed on top of existing ice, like it has been this week.

As I said earlier, this wouldn't be quite so bad if I was able to balance properly, however I seem to be getting the hang of falling over. It's only been today where I was fortunate enough not to fall over, and fuck knows how I managed that, because I was sliding everywhere. On Monday, I fell over twice in the space of about a minute. As if that hadn't hurt my pride enough, on the other side of the road there was some pre-pubescent chavs who thought it was funny. Yesterday, I fell over on the way home. Ironically, it was at the same place where I'd slipped on Monday, however this time I dropped my phone and some DVDs I'd bought (quite how they'd managed to get out of a sealed bag is beyond me...I think the cashier at Morrisons didn't seal the bag properly). That almost scared me shitless, as my phone went sliding off towards the road and, for a moment, I didn't think I'd be able to scoop it up before it dropped on the road and got ran over. Luckily for me, I managed to get up and grab it. That fall hurt my pride even more.

Today though, I've realised that these three falls have hurt more than just my pride. I ache everywhere. By everywhere, I mean my arms and legs, as they took the falls. My upper left arm, right shoulderblade, and both thighs feel stiff, and are generally very achey. It feels like I've been doing exercise, which I probably have, in trying not to fall over and everything. It's not good.

I suppose I do have to be grateful though. At least I am only feeling a few aches, when it could be worse. I could've taken a nasty fall and broken an arm, or fractured a bone, or I could've even hit my head and done some damage there. And with English people generally being how they are, I doubt I'd get much in the way of help for any of those scenarios. They'd probably ask if I was OK and continue on their way, no matter what my response was. Unless I was out cold, they might try and do something then.

There's always tomorrow though. And Friday. I'll let you know how I got on Friday evening. Feel free to drop me any comments, if you can be bothered. Or you can vote for my blog. Somebody did the other day. Probably Mena.

Till Friday
-=Gavvie=-